For the most part I'm able to separate the things I don't agree with into a box in my head that's labeled "not for me" lol.
I'm always concerned with offending someone or not wanting to start a debate.. That's so not my style!
HOWEVER, this topic somehow keeps coming up in places like Facebook and Pinterest and various blogs.. I wanted to say MY peace on it and that's just what it is-- mine. I'm not trying to look down on anyone or their parenting style! I truly believe that us moms need to stick together regardless of how and when we play with our kids! I felt ok writing this mostly because I don't think anyone really reads most of what I post anyway.. Lol. So..if you are one of the few that are reading this- thanks! And I hope you don't take anything I write personally!
Ok, so here goes.. Recently, there was a blog floating around that was about all the moms out there who are "always" on their iPhones and not paying attention to their kids. This really struck a chord with me because well...yes I have an iPhone..and yes, I do look at it and well..yes I STILL pay attention to my kids! So there! Just kidding. :)
I realize that the person who wrote this wasn't talking about all of us. I'm sure she ment well..She did however make it very clear that as moms we should be putting our kids "first" before looking at our phones because we are probably and most certainly missing out on very important things that our children are doing... Yadda yadda.....
Ok... I get it.
THEN today I was SO happy to see another mom (or another blogger) write about how she disagrees with that. She wrote that how in today's age we have new technology that basically equals the same kind of thing that our own mom's were doing when we were kids...right on sister. Amen. Hallelujah.. All that. :) loved it.
THEN I remembered a blog I read quite some time ago..it was basically another one of those "guilt blogs" about how we don't play with our kids enough! She wasn't referring to moms that work outside of the home as much as she was to moms that stay home! I really wish I could remember where I saw that article, but she basically slammed stay at home moms saying "some of us" are more concerned with house cleaning, shopping, going to the gym.. Etc. Well needless to say it was quite offensive! I had it on the brain to write about it a while ago but I guess I was to busy spending time with my kids to do so! Haha..
Today my kids are with their grandparents because I've been sick.. Not to sick to write this though! :)
Anyway... I remember reading that and feeling really guilty! I was like jeeze.. maybe I don't "play" with them enough! Just what us moms need MORE guilt!
I began to think back to my own childhood. My mom did a beautiful job of setting boundaries.. First off, I have amazing parents and they LOVED to play with me and "watch me" and interact with me.. and all that stuff! The difference was they wouldn't STOP everything to do so.. I'm talking about the moms who will literally stop everything no matter what they're doing and go play dress-up or go build Legos.. It's not horrible by any means! I mean playing with your kids can't be bad! That's not what I'm getting at.. Just let me try and explain.. For example:
I always see things on Pinterest or Facebook about how playing with your kids is BY FAR the MOST important thing we could do and not to worry about doing any cleaning or ANYTHING else because after all, that stuff will still be there later.. or after they go to bed.. but our kids are going to be all grown up soon.. Blah blah blah.. ( do I sound horrible or what?)
I mean I "get it" to a certain extent.
I for one love playing with my kids but I also want to play with them on a freshly mopped floor! lol. (sorry but its true) And I also want to teach them that we have responsibilities in life! That of coarse we can play and have fun but that we also have things we have to DO sometimes!! Life isn't one big play date! If I just constantly put my kids first in everything what would that teach them? I believe it would teach them that the world revolves around them! ( my opinion!)
I don't know about you...but I want my kids to know that there are other things in this life besides them! ( Ooooh..i SAID IT!)
I want them to know that in "real" life people are NOT going to just stop whatever they are doing and put everything on hold just for them! I mean...its just not realistic.. that's not how life goes! So when they're in school and the teacher is grading papers or helping another classmate they will understand that they might not come first! They might actually have to wait and respect the teachers time!
Please, PLEASE do not get me wrong here.. I know I may come across sounding very harsh but that's not my intent. I promise! :)
Going back to my own childhood.. My mom did an amazing job of finding that "happy medium" There were times she would play with me but there were also times I knew that I needed to entertain myself.. such as: when she was on the phone, or when she was reading a book or sewing.. or working in the garden..Obviously...if there was something really important she would stop what she was doing! She NEVER told me I was "bothering her" I never felt like I came second or that I wasn't important! I just had respect for my mom and her personal time. :)
I remember my mom taking us to the park as a child and she would sit on the bench and maybe read or knit or talk with the other moms. It doesn't mean she wasn't paying attention to me or making sure I was safe. She was still VERY aware of when I wanted her to watch me do something, or when I wanted her to push me on the swing. On the other hand, I was also happy to play by myself and be a kid and use my imagination! I didn't need my mom's attention every second.
I guess I grew up knowing that my mom was my MOM and I was a KID... my mom was NOT my friend. Sounds harsh but it's just how it was! Sure, we played board games, cards, hide and seek.. But I didn't rely on her as a playmate because she made it clear that sometimes she just had "adult" things to do.. I never felt slighted or like I was missing something! Maybe it's because my mom was older..she was in her forties when I was little. She was from a totally different generation. One thing she DIDN'T do was make us feel like "children should be seen and not heard" actually it was the opposite! She quite often invited me into "her world" I would help her cook dinner or garden or get my book and sit beside her on the couch and read with her. I also had a pretend sewing machine I would get out whenever she had hers out. There is just no going all the way to either side ALL the time.. sometimes she'd get down to my level and sometimes I'd go up to hers.... I have a great friend back home and she quite honestly struggled with this! Over the years I have watched her master the skill of somehow finding time for it ALL.. She has found this balance.. Anyway I teeter on the verge of NOT playing with my kids enough and am always looking up to her because she is able to jump back and forth from "kid mode" to adult mode.
Also each child is different as we all know and I can imagine having one child vs multiple children makes a huge difference As well..Even though I am not an only child my sister was quite a bit older than me so I always just played by myself or with the neighbors. Like I said my mom played with me but not so much pretend play more like games and such:)
I remember my mom would have her best girlfriend come over sometimes and they would sit at the kitchen table and drink their coffee ( or sometimes wine!) I always respected them! I NEVER would have dreamed to ask her to stop talking to go "play" with me!
They did include me in their chats though and I remember feeling very grown up and would then go in my room and "pretend" to have coffee with one of my dolls or something!
In my VERY humble opinion kids should not rely on their parents as playmates. I should clarify I'm NOT talking about babies or even toddlers.. They obviously need our attention more then a five year old! There comes an age that our kids should be able to understand that just because we are their parents we are also PEOPLE!
I love my kids and I give them practically everything! If you were in my head you would know that probably 90% of my thoughts revolve around my children! I wake up thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them!
When my kids grow up they will have some pretty funny memories of their mom jumping on the trampoline with them or playing board games with them, playing Legos with them, coloring with them, blowing bubbles with them...there are so many things I do with them I could go on and on! I just hope that I can teach them as my mom did that there is a time and a place for everything.. Wow. I sound like my mom! :)
I guess just don't understand why we are encouraged to be these moms who are constantly staring at our children and making EVERYTHING they do a HUGE deal and quite honestly teaching them that they are the center of the universe. Reality check is they just aren't!
When you become a parent you realize just how completely self absorbed you were before you had kids.. We give SO much to our children! All of my friends do and I feel I do as well.. I am completely drained at the end of the day! I am still HAPPY to do it all over again the next:) That certainly doesn't mean that we can't stop paying attention to our kids from time to time to do something for ourselves.. It's OK people! Our children will be better off knowing that they don't need constant attention 24-7.. Of coarse if you NEVER play with your kids or show them attention that's not good either! Most of us though have been able to find a nice happy medium.. And THAT'S what I'm trying to say:)
Oh..and I personally don't even know any moms like this, which begs the question.. Where are they? WHO are they? Do they even exist? If not then please stop writing these quotes and blogs pretending that you are this super human mom who never stops even for one second to do anything that doesn't include her children! Lets all just be real with each other because anything else is just... Silly.
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