My five unseen answered prayers. (until now)

 For the last three years I have been obsessed with the idea of moving back to California. My husband and I both grew up in Northern Ca and moved  to AZ  almost 10 years ago! The idea of moving started a few years ago when I was watching an episode of a show on TLC called, "Little People BIG world" It's a show about a family where the parents are "little people" The funny thing is, they live in Oregon not California! It just put desire in my heart for things such as, trees, lakes, seasons and scenery that I have always considered more breathtaking than what I see here in Arizona. I started on this path of wanting to move, and then my best friend moved back to Ca after living in Az for a long time.. and then I REALLY wanted to move! During that time, I really wouldn't consider myself to be  living a "christian life" although I did always say "God MUST have a plan!" It was the only way I could rationalize her and her family moving away. There were two things I was ALWAYS asking God for, number One: that I would find friends here in Arizona. Number two: that I would find my faith again, which I had basicially walked away from a number of years ago. Here in my neighborhood I met a couple of girls who introduced me to the church I now attend, not only did they become GREAT friends ( Answered prayer number one) but after attending our church for a couple of years I can now say with ABSOLUTE certanity that God has and IS changing me because I have finally given my life to him and asked him to do WHATEVER he needs to do to make me more like him. And I am soo amazed everyday when I see him working in my life! PRAISE GOD!! (answered prayer number two)
 With all that being said...you'd think I would have acknowledged that God was  dutifully working on answering the first two prayers but NOOO.... I was already asking him for more! And this even before I was doing ANY work on my side! I was just asking away and then living my life according to MY standards.. the next couple of things I was  asking him for were, 1.) to have another baby, and 2.) help financially, so that I could quit the in-home daycare I was doing at the time. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a full time say at home mom  but at the time we couldn't afford for me to quit my job. Well... I found out I was pregnant in early November of 2009 (answered prayer number three)  Suddenly we were in the midst of a home loan mod and some other financial "issues" that all worked out in our favor! In the same few months my husband was offered some coaching jobs and also got a job delivering pizzas in his spare time. Now we had the freedom for me to quit doing my daycare and finally be a full fledged stay at home mom! (answered prayer number four) hmmm, looks like God was at work in our lives for sure right? BUT STILL I wasn't seeing these things as blessings from God!! I was just thinking it was ALL our own doing.. giving all the credit to pretty much anyone and everything BUT God! Wow, I feel so convicted about the fact that he was so faithful and so gracious all this time and I was totally blind to it all because I was so self absorbed and only thinking of what I wanted and not what God wanted.. which was ME. A verse that really puts this in perspective for me NOW is: " I will give you thanks, for you answered me, you have become my salvation" Psalm 118:21 After all this, I STILL wasnt getting it...THEN
 Last year on Easter Sunday I was in church service during praise time, I don't really know what it was that completely brought me to tears..I guess I was just thinking about everything God had done for me.  By that I don't  mean prayers answered because honestly, I don't think I had even acknowledged that at the time. I was just thinking about the fact that he went to the cross for ME for MY sins, even though this was something I "knew" my whole life, something that I had heard many times as a child in song and as an adult in church, I still never "got" it until this moment. I asked God to do WHATEVER he needed to do to change me, without any conditions, I literally begged him. I repented of my sin and just called on him to PLEASE come into my life and transform it! I.WAS.READY. Or so I thought....
A few weeks later...I woke up with EXCRUCIATING back pain..like scary pain because I had NO idea what was causing it. Long story short, cut to me in the hospital BEGGING God to take away the pain, accusing him of not recognizing the fact that I was doing "my part" ie: reading my bible, repenting of my sin, being kind to others..blah blah blah...( Some Christian right?) I was mad at him! horrible as that may sound, that was the truth. Somehow, even though I asked him to change me, told him no matter what he had to do TO CHANGE me, I still was trying to control the WAY he did it..As I was sitting there waiting for a DR to "HELLPPP MEEEE!!" as I was  yelling to everyone, I somehow found some peace in prayer..God lovingly showed me a image in my mind of him being  beaten and then nailed on a cross to die..I could NOT get that image out of my head no matter what. It hit me, WOW.. I was SO selfish..I am SO ungrateful. Look what he did for ME and ALL OF US.. it brought me to tears, no longer tears from the pain of what we found out was a kidney stone..but tears because of the absolute conviction my heart felt. Here I am yelling and hollering at everyone around me and complaining because I had to feel a little pain-- especially in light of what HE went through for me at the cross.  God knows US so well!! I mean he created us! And he knew the ONLY way to get me to finally see that  I  should not only just "want" him in my life..  I NEED him in my life. I cannot live this life without him!!  People tend to call on God in two situations.  1.) When they are happy and things are going great in their lives  such as, "Yay! I got a new job! Praise GOD!!" OR  2.) when things are going not so great in their lives-like, "oh no!! Please God help me!!"   He wants  to get our attention and it might  not be the in way WE choose to have him do it!   I am SO grateful for that kidney stone that day because by going through something that really wasn't even THAT horrible, he showed me what kind of person I am when the going gets tough! I definitely didn't praise him for the pain that I was going through! It was so easy to be thankful when my like was going "my way".  He also showed me that  I had a LOT of sin in my life!!  things that I didn't even realize!  It was a sin to blame God for one thing! It was a sin to be so utterly selfish and just plain rude to people who were JUST trying to help me. I was forced to look at my life though HIS life..his perfection. No, I can NEVER be perfect like him, but when he so graciously shows me areas in my life that I can change with HIS  help  that is an absolute GIFT! No matter what I go through in life, good or bad, he is with me through it all! I want to praise him now in ALL situations, not just when things are going well but even when things aren't going so well and in all the in-between moments! It is ALL a gift.. "Consider it ALL joy my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds" James 1:2 He DOES have a plan and sometimes we have to go through the valleys to get to where he wants us. "Give thanks in ALL circumstatances, for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ for you"- 1 thessalonians 5:18
    You might be thinking.."Sooo, what does any of this have to do with you wanting to move back to Ca?" well, i'll tell you! In my quiet time a few weeks ago I was really asking God for peace in the whole moving thing. It wasn't a specific prayer for staying OR moving, just peace in that he will be the one to control what happens and that I could let go and not be anxious about it anymore. The verse that struck me first was  "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said "I will never leave you or forsake you" - Hebrews 13: 5  Then I turned to "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God"- Phil 4:6
pretty amazing right??
  Over the next few weeks I was  hit with SO many things! Things that I had always known logically but suddenly they hit me in a different way. Seeing just how LUCKY and BLESSED we are here!....then REALIZING ALL the prayers God had answered!!  Why had I not realized this before? First, we finally have financial peace!  No, we aren't rich or anything like that but we are not struggling like we were before those "financial issues" God helped us reslove. If we move back to Ca..well lets just say we'd be ignoring all the progress God has seen us through and basically be getting a whole new set of issues because it is A LOT more expensive to live in Ca! Also, I'd have to go back to work and give up my dream of FINALLY being a SAHM! Remember how much I had wanted that? I was SOOO blinded by the very idea of moving that I  was willing to give up the dream I had finally been blessed to be living! Also, my husband is LOVING his job!!  he'd have to give that up which I now know he never really wanted to do but just said he did because he wanted to make me happy! God also blessed me with amazing women in my life here and  our children have known each other since they were babies! I have an awesome realtionship with some of my neighboors who are great friends and I know I can depend on! :) can you see God's work in all of this? I don't know why I never saw it this way before, but he has shown me now and I am beyond grateful! He put it all together with SUCH thought and such love and here I am willing to throw it ALL away! How ungrateful! Now..please don't think I am discounting the friends and family we have in Ca..that's NOT the case. Those people ( they know who they are) love me and will ALWAYS be in my life no matter where I live! God has that set in place too! He seriously thought of everything:) Amazingly enough, God also put it in my heart to love Arizona for it's beauty. WHAAAAA? those that know me are thinking, "YOU can't STAND it there!" By the grace of God I have been able to look around and see it's  beauty!! God created ALL things! Not just big trees and the ocean! He is everywhere I look now:) I am so thankful for my new  set of eyes he has given me. I wasn't able to see the forest for the well..lack of trees before. All I could see was what I DIDN'T have and focus on the LIE that the only way i'd be happy was to live somewhere else! DESPITE everything GOD has blessed us with right here in front of me! I cannot tell you have amazing it feels to just be at peace right where I am.  Scripture that suppots this for me- " For EVERYTHING God created is good, nothing is to be rejected if it is recieved through thanksgiving" - 1 Timothy 4:4 And there is his answered prayer number FIVE!
 God IS SO faithful ...even when I was and am SO UNfaithful. I fall short of God everyday you guys.. I really do. I am just SO beyond amazed at his grace and forgivness. He is just beginning his work in me and I know he won't stop until he is finished!
" Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ"- Phillippians 1:6
Thank you for reading this!:)